Tokyo

If you come to Tokyo expecting an insane land of robot waitresses, Blade Runner holograms and mental subcultures, well… you’d be partly right. I intentionally left Tokyo to the tail end of my trip. Sometimes cities can feel a bit overpowering and, especially in Japan where there’s so much potential culture shock, I wanted to feel comfortable with at least knowing some basic language and knowing what signs to point at in a restaurant. It still took me a couple of hours to work out why it felt weird being here, and I think it’s the mountains. Or lack of, I should say. Everywhere else in Japan you get used to being inside a circle of peaks somewhere on the horizon, which is sort of comforting. But Tokyo must be on the one bit of flat real estate in the whole country. It’s a small thing but genuinely threw me for a minute, like I was off balance.

It is an awesome city with a lot of sights you can’t find anywhere else in the world, I guarantee that at least six or seven times a day the phrase “What the fuck’s going on?” will run through your mind. And there’s nowhere else I can think of where you’ll see traditional Shinto temples rubbing up against cutting edge tech and industry. But it’s also a city like any other, with the majority of people going about their lives, commuting, doing jobs. Every minute isn’t going to be some bucket-list moment of Jap-wow wackiness. And like any city it’s got its grubby side, some of the big “sights” feel pretty worn in and/or overpriced with some of the few people in Japan who’ll try and take advantage of you (they’re mostly other foreigners). The Robot Restaurant was one place that got heavily touted to me but it’s at least £60 to watch some dancers do a light show after navigating through a pretty shitty area of town, and the whole cat/owl/maid cafe schtick just doesn’t interest me. Some areas are pretty overloaded with tourists, and for the first time since being in Japan I actually saw litter in some of the streets. Coincidence that the litter’s being trampled by the feet of a load of non-native tourists? Hmm… That’s a bit of a rant, but I just want to be realistic. It’d be the same with London, Paris, New York - there’s some essential, amazing experiences in Tokyo but overall I’d say this - plan your time. Work out the sort of things you want to see in advance, how you’re going to get there and how much you want to spend. Tokyo’s too massive, with too many tourist traps, to wander about aimlessly. Once you’ve got a rough direction it’s so much more enjoyable venturing out and enjoying whatever surprise sights pop up along the way. One thing I’ve got to mention, the subway. Tokyo is HUGE and I’d read a few horror stories about tourists getting lost in the tunnels, emerging years later blinking into the daylight like Gollum. Well, if you get lost on the Tokyo subway you’re a fucking idiot. It’s so well laid out and signposted, between bi-lingual signs, human staff, and stations with both colour coding and numbering. There’s some good people-watching to be had on the trains too, some pretty entertaining crowd dynamics. Japanese people are pretty much uniformly polite and reserved, but if you get in the way you will receive a pointed shove of ‘move, idiot’.

I’m not going to do a full list of stuff to see, there’s Tripadvisor for that, but there’s a few main spots: - Takeshita Street. This is supposed to be the underground hotbed of Tokyo, all the wacky subcultures and cosplayers out on parade. Well… it’s not. The only “alternative subcultures” I saw were some old rockers trying to do Elvis high kicks in the park. What it is is basically the Camden Town of Tokyo, pretty commercialised with a lot of mass-produced shopping and some over-priced kawaii experiences. It’s super busy, and sadly also home to a big squad of African guys trying to sell shit. It’s hard to be PC about this - they are literally the only black guys in the entire neighbourhood, and will most likely make an attempt to grab your arm to start selling you whatever it is. So yeah, Takeshita Street is an easy miss, but the rest of Harajuku is cool - some great food and good vintage/thrift store popups. Make the effort to wander up to the Meiji Shrine - it’s not quite as picturesque as some of the places in Kyoto but still impressive, and a good place to escape the crowds. - Asakusa. Maybe my favourite area. A huge temple precinct set against the city skyline with is an awesome setup for photos, with some great souvenir/present shopping, both tacky and traditional. Plus there’s good places to eat all around and amazing people watching, between the kimono’d locals and gaijin monkeys stumbling about the place. Bring 100 yen coins to buy a prayer at the temple. - Akihabara. Geek Mecca. If you’re into any sort of techy, nerdy stuff, whether it’s toys, camera kit or trading cards this place WILL damage your bank account. Somehow it’s also the main home of the maid cafes which is… certainly a thing. - Tsujiki/Ginza/Imperial Palace. I’m lumping these in as one as it’s sort of the “city centre”. The Palace is a bit like Buckingham Palace - you can admire it from a distance but the grounds are a strict no-go. It’s an actual house, see. Ginza is the home of fancy fashion shopping and megabucks sushi chefs, but I’d be sure to go for Tsujiki. It’s hard to rave enthusiastically about a fish market but I did a 2-3 hour walking tour with a guide and it was great, getting to inhale a bunch of different food, see the craziness of the market floor and scope out some cool places to muscle in alongside some fishmongers for a proper local’s lunch. - Other than that Tokyo for me was all about (yes) finding more food. I spent a decent morning getting through the elaborate queueing system for Tsuta, a Michelin-starred Ramen place. Not worth it for the food but good banter with the other mystified queue-ites. But there’s great places to eat on every corner of every sub-district. Go to Piss Alley (the victim of a bad translation a long time ago) for awesome meat, grilled right next to your face in tiny restaurants just big enough to squeeze into. Try proper conveyor belt sushi, so amazing and super cheap. Get a McDonalds or some shit you know you shouldn’t have - c’mon, it’s the city. Shibuya is also home to Golden Gai, a rabbit warren of tiny bars that’s awesome for a post-dinner beer. Just be sure to read what the cover charge is first, they vary from “free for tourists” to up to 2000 Yen just to sit down.

A couple of quick survival tips: * Bring spare shoes. I ditched my old work trainers before I left for Tokyo and regretted not having a change to give my feet a stretch. * Be ready to spend. Even with the best of intentions and the strongest mindset of “oh I’ve got enough souvenirs at home” you WILL spend money. * Wifi. Unless you really need to update your Twitter fanbase on your every hourly move I wouldn’t bother hiring a wifi router. Most of the subway lines have a free network you can tap into. It might be a bit sketchy but it’s enough to check your messages or the map. * Subway passes. My hotel did a discount rate on 24, 48 and 72 hour subway passes which were perfect, infinite trips on everything except JR lines, no need for a Passmo (Japanese Oyster card) or anything else that gets hyped up on some tourist boards. For anyone planning to visit I’ve got to recommend Andon Ryokan. The rates are pretty par for Tokyo, with decent rooms, a free jacuzzi and a real family feel to the staff.

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